Many people with ADHD (especially girls and women) muddle through for years — compensating, overachieving, and quietly struggling — until they hit a breaking point. Somewhere along the way, the demands of school, work, relationships, or parenting begin to outpace the coping strategies that once held everything together. And then things start to unravel.
Not because you didn’t try hard enough. But because you may have been relying on sheer willpower to force your brain to function like a neurotypical one.
You might not have realized it was ADHD because you didn’t fit the stereotype of the hyperactive little boy disrupting class. For decades, that’s what ADHD research focused on. The diagnostic criteria in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) were largely based on that childhood presentation.
But ADHD doesn’t always look loud or disruptive. Sometimes it looks like anxiety. Or perfectionism. Or chronic overwhelm. Or burnout that leads to depression.
And it certainly doesn’t help that the name “Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder” doesn’t accurately describe what’s really going on.
So What is ADHD, Really?
Let’s start by saying that Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder is a terrible name for what’s actually happening. It is not a deficit of attention at all—it’s a difficulty regulating it. Sometimes your attention bounces all over the place to everything except what you’re supposed to be doing. Other times you might drop into such a deep state of hyperfocus that you lose all track of time (and maybe even forget to eat). But ADHD isn’t just about attention.
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects the executive functions of your brain—the mental skills that help you organize, plan, start, and follow through on tasks. When these are affected, it can make daily life feel like a constant uphill battle.
There are three main presentations of ADHD:
Hyperactive/Impulsive Type – what most people used to call “ADHD”
Inattentive Type – previously referred to as “ADD”
Combined Type – when both are present (this is nearly 2/3 of people diagnosed)
ADHD can look different based on your gender, upbringing, and environment. That’s one reason why so many people—especially women—go undiagnosed until adulthood. Sometimes it doesn’t really show up until stress piles on in college, work, parenthood, or perimenopause.
Sometimes the secondary effects of having ADHD without knowing it – anxiety, depression, mood swings – are what parents and doctors focus on or diagnose you with. Because those are the most obvious to them. But what they don’t see is your internal struggle. The real why behind the symptoms.
If that’s you, please know this isn’t a personal failing. You’ve just been living life on “hard mode” without knowing it. Once you understand how your brain actually works, you can stop fighting against it, and start working with it.
Commonly Experienced ADHD Symptoms
Most of the official ADHD diagnostic criteria listed in the DSM-5 were written for kids. Here’s how those same symptoms might show up in teens and adults:
Hyperactive/Impulsive Symptoms
Restlessness or fidgeting – trouble sitting still, bouncing your leg, picking at your nails, shifting in your seat, playing with your hair (in women, this might be internal chaotic thoughts)
Always “on the go” – feeling like you can’t relax, needing to move, or preferring only active hobbies (Ahem…welcome to Boulder, Colorado).
Impatience – getting irritated in traffic, hating long lines, or blurting things out before others are finished.
Talking a lot – excitement or anxiety leads you to talk over people, or you fear forgetting your thought if you don’t share it immediately.
Interrupting - butting into a conversation you overheard with a funny remark, interrupting a meeting or other discussion because you need to talk to one of the participants.
Inattentive Symptoms
Trouble concentrating - zoning out during boring tasks, missing details, or getting lost in your own thoughts.
Spacing out - mind wandering, seeming like you’re not listening, even when you are; your brain just chased a thought that popped up 30 seconds ago and now you’re a million miles away.
Difficulty organizing or completing tasks - you start strong but lose steam, leaving half-finished projects all around the house (side quests, anyone?)
Avoiding mentally demanding work – reorganizing your closet when you should be doing paperwork, or relying on a last-minute adrenaline rush to force you to focus.
Forgetfulness - trouble remembering what you needed at the grocery store, or where the heck you put your keys this time.
Symptoms you didn’t realize were adhd:
There are also less obvious ways ADHD might show up. These aren’t part of the formal diagnostic criteria, but they’re incredibly common—especially when it goes untreated. Things like:
More speeding tickets or fender benders (this is about impulsivity & distractibility, NOT driving skills)
Money struggles – credit issues, impulse purchases, or higher debt
Messy spaces – cluttered counters, piles of paper, overflowing laundry baskets or a “floor-drobe” or clothes chair.
Dozens of new hobbies – buying all the gear, losing interest, and chasing the next interesting thing
Time blindness – no matter how many alarms you set, you still can’t be on time
Addictive behaviors – from caffeine or nicotine to social media, gaming, or alcohol (this is self-medication and numbing, NOT character weakness)
Motor-control issues – having bad handwriting, being clumsy
Allergies/Asthma – people with ADHD are more likely to suffer from asthma and allergies (seasonal, eczema, food sensitivities, etc.)
Skin picking – known as dermatillomania, includes picking at cuticles, acne, bug bites, etc., or other Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRB)
Impulsive relationship behavior – falling hard and fast in love, or growing bored or unhappy and cheating (because the conflict of speaking up is excruciating)
Rejection Sensitivity (RSD) – feeling crushed or anxious from even mildly negative feedback, causing you to avoid things you might not immediately be good at, or leaning on perfectionism to compensate
Emotional dysregulation – emotions that hit hard/fast and linger long after the trigger passes
Decision paralysis – feeling stuck or shutting down when faced with too many choices
Sleep problems – difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up on time
Chronic overwhelm and burnout – zoning out on the couch to numb out with Netflix or scrolling (this is a freeze response)
Higher rates of anxiety and depression – this is especially true with undiagnosed / untreated ADHD
None of this means you’re lazy or broken. These are real, neurological symptoms that can be understood and managed once you have the right tools and support.
Support for Adults and Teens with ADHD
If you’re starting to recognize yourself in these descriptions, you’re not alone — and you’re not broken.
ADHD is not a character flaw. It’s not laziness. It’s not a lack of intelligence or discipline. It’s a different neurotype — and once you understand how your brain actually works, everything begins to make more sense.
I’m an ADHD Certified Clinical Services Provider — and I also have ADHD myself. I understand both the clinical side and the lived experience. In therapy, we don’t just manage symptoms. We untangle years of shame, build systems that actually work for your brain, and help you move from constant overwhelm into something steadier and more sustainable.
If you’re wondering whether ADHD might be at the root of what you’ve been struggling with, I offer free phone consultations so we can talk through what’s going on and explore whether ADHD-informed therapy might be a good fit for you.