Does any of this sound like you?

You have BIG emotions and tend to feel everything deeply
You get more easily stressed at work or in your relationships than others seem to
You have perfectionistic or people-pleasing tendencies, and a strong inner critic
You are easily overwhelmed by big crowds, busy places, or sometimes your own emotions
You’re more bothered by sensory stimuli like hot & cold temperatures, itchy fabrics or tags, loud noises, or strong smells than other people
Change/transition is hard for you, as are rushed decisions and time pressure
You desperately need down time after a busy day or social outing to decompress
Maybe you retreat to the solitude of a darkened room because you’re overstimulated
You have a hard time letting go, even when you want to, your brain just keeps spinning
You often feel mentally & physically exhausted and can’t account for why

You might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

Don’t worry, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. High sensitivity, or Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), is a completely normal trait that occurs in about 15-20% of the population and has been well researched and documented by Dr. Elaine Aron and many others. It’s not a disorder or diagnosis, but rather a completely normal trait that occurs naturally as part of a person’s inborn temperament.

It exists in over 100 different species besides humans, and is thought to be passed on because it’s useful for survival from an evolutionary standpoint. (The cautious deer doesn’t get caught by the mountain lion).

What is a highly sensitive person?

Every highly sensitive person is different and has their own unique brand of sensitivity. But research shows there are four characteristics commonly shared by all HSPs. They are represented by the acronym D.O.E.S.

D - Depth of Processing

Depth of Processing is one of the key pieces of the HSP trait. fMRI scans of highly sensitive people’s brains show more activation from the same stimuli when compared to the brains of non-HSPs. This means that the HSP brains show a greater depth of processing of the same information. Think of it like dipping 2 face towels in a bucket of water: there is the same amount of water in each towel, but because of the way the HSP brain processes it, they are able to squeeze more water out of the towel than the non-HSP brain typically would before giving up on the task. This depth of processing can lead to careful consideration of all possibilities, sometimes resulting in an HSP taking longer to make a decision or pausing longer before taking action—what Elaine Aron calls the “pause to check” reflex.

O - Overstimulation

Because about 80% - 85% of the population are not highly sensitive, the world we live in isn’t always designed for our finely tuned nervous systems (think: loud/busy cities, fast-paced or high-pressure work/school environments, etc). Things that register as a 1 on the scale of a non-HSP might be more like a 10 on the scale of an HSP. What this means is that HSPs can be more susceptible to overstimulation and overwhelm because we pick up on so much more and process it more deeply. The upside to this is that we can act like the canaries in the coal mine, and be an early indicator that an environment or process needs to change, before others are even aware.

E - Empathy / Emotional Responsiveness

HSPs feel deeply and react more strongly to emotional experiences - both the positive and the negative. What this means is that our environment is very important because we are more impacted by our surroundings (people and places) than others. So if we are surrounded by negativity, we are likely to be more deeply impacted than a non-HSP would be. But fear not, this isn’t exclusively a bad thing: research also shows that we have the capacity to excel beyond many non-HSPs if given a positive environment to thrive in.

Brain scans also show a higher level of activity for HSPs mirror neurons (the part of the brain that helps us feel other people’s emotions). This means that HSPs have a higher capacity for empathy, as long as we’re not already overwhelmed.

S - Sensing Subtleties

Highly sensitive people often pick up on subtle details that others miss. This might mean you notice a small change in decor, or can more easily read non-verbal cues from other people or animals. We are also more affected by sensory stimuli like strong scents, bright lights, loud noises (intense startle responses are common), scratchy fabrics, changes in temperature, and internal bodily sensations like hunger cues.

Common Challenges for Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)

Given how much we pick up on everything around us and our tendency to process things deeply, it’s easy for HSPs to become overwhelmed or emotionally exhausted. Some common challenges that HSPs may face if we haven’t been given the proper tools and techniques for emotion-regulation are:

Overwhelm/Over-stimulation
Anxiety and Depression
Shyness or Social Anxiety
Dislike of small-talk or surface-level relationships
Intense emotions (both good and bad)
Difficulty with change / transition or making decisions
Feeling misunderstood / isolated / alone / broken
Stress from work, school or relationships
Perfectionism / people-pleasing
Not saying “no” when we need to for fear of upsetting others, leading to burnout

Don’t worry, it’s not all bad - Being an HSP is a gift!

“The quality of strength lined with tenderness is an unbeatable combination...”

— Maya Angelou

“Highly sensitive” can sometimes have a negative connotation in western society, but it does not mean that you are weak or broken. And you don’t need to “toughen up”. HSP’s simply have a more finely tuned nervous system than the rest of the population, allowing us (yes, I am one too) to pick up on and deeply process information/stimuli that doesn’t even register for most people.

This is actually a gift, once an HSP knows how to work with it. There are lots of up-sides to being highly sensitive. We tend to be:

Smart, intuitive & perceptive, often noticing nuances that others miss
Highly empathetic, compassionate & considerate of others’ feelings
Conscientious employees, students or friends
Creative thinkers (art, music, writing, problem solving, etc.)
Deeply moved by art or nature & connected to animals
Quick learners and deep thinkers

It’s really more like a superpower, once you learn how to harness it.

What if you could…

Learn to manage your strong emotions without getting overwhelmed or withdrawing
Get off the emotional roller coaster and stay calm even when things feel intense
Stop worrying and feeling stressed so your natural intelligence can shine through
Choose when you want to let something go so that you can fall asleep more easily or relax
Stop feeling like you’re broken, have to hide your sensitivity or “toughen up”
Learn how to work with your sensitivity so that you can improve your relationships
Embrace your sensitivity and find your unique gifts / strengths so they can work for you!

What does therapy / coaching for HSPs look like?

Many people have never heard of the trait of high sensitivity until we begin working together, so I often start by providing as much information and resources about the trait as possible. A lot of times clients will come to me feeling like they are “just different” or there is “something wrong with me”. So, learning about what the trait of high sensitivity actually means will dispel a lot of the myths and lies that Western society feeds us about sensitivity. You do not need to be fixed!

That being said, there may be some areas of your life where not knowing how to manage your sensitivity is getting in the way (e.g., you feel stressed, anxious, depressed, etc.). Unfortunately, that’s very common, because our society doesn’t go a great job of understanding - let alone teaching - people about sensitivity and how to manage it. I work with each client to identify what your challenges are and teach you how to manage your sensitivity so that it no longer leads to overstimulation that gets in the way of your life or work.

Learning to work with your sensitivity can take many forms, and we will assess together which are the best fit for you. I often teach clients mindfulness / awareness practices to help create a greater understanding of emotions and patterns in their lives that might not be working, and then we add on skills and techniques for handling things more effectively. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean you have to don a robe or sit cross-legged for hours! I’ll teach you simple practices you can fit into your everyday life.

I incorporate many different methodologies into my practice, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to work with negative thought patterns, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) to work with strong emotions, nature-based techniques for calming the nervous system, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy / parts work to help you work with all the inner defenses that have built up from the necessity of protecting your sensitivity over the years.

I work collaboratively with my clients to figure out what works best for each person, and make a plan together to help get you there. If you want to learn more and get a personalized plan, sign up for a free consultation call below to explore your options.

Schedule a FREE Consult Call

Now, I know you may still have some concerns or questions about therapy and coaching for HSPs…

Does Being an HSP mean that I’m weaker than other people?

Absolutely not!!! In fact, given the amount of sensory data you’re processing, integrating, and responding to, I’d say it actually means you’re stronger in many ways. There is a misguided notion in Western cultures that having or showing strong emotions somehow makes a person weak. You may have had people say things to you like, “You’re too sensitive”, “Just shrug it off”, “You just need to grow a thicker skin”, “Don’t be such a sissy/cry baby”, or “Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”.

People who say things like that to an HSP likely do so because they don’t understand what it’s like to notice and be impacted by so many things. Being an HSP is like being a very sensitive metal detector: it’s exactly what you want when you’re trolling for treasure on the bottom of the ocean…but if you bring that same metal detector into New York City without putting a protective casing on it, then it will go off constantly because it’s picking up on SO MUCH STIMULI!

Being able to sense subtleties that others miss can be a huge advantage, which is why evolution continues to perpetuate the trait. And once you learn how to manage all the input, there will be no limit to what you can do with your newfound superpower!

Is High Sensitivity the Same as Sensory Processing Disorder, Autism or being gifted?

No. Being a Highly Sensitive Person is not a disorder, it’s a completely normal biological trait, just like having red hair or blue eyes. Approximately 1 in 5 people will possess the trait of high sensitivity, or what is sometimes referred to as Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) in the research. It is different from Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and being gifted. There may appear to be some similarities on the surface, but research on the brain shows very different underlying neurological processes.

People with SPD, Autism, or gifted individuals will often appear to be sensitive to certain stimuli/environments, much like highly sensitive people, and they may have “meltdowns” when they are overstimulated. However, autistic people typically struggle to read social cues, understand implied meanings, and foster empathy for others - all areas in which HSPs excel. And people with SPD often feel overstimulated because their brain is confusing the sensory input, causing them to avoid too much stimulation, some struggle with fine motor skills, and others hardly register sensory input at all, causing them engage in sensory seeking behavior.

If you have further questions about you or your teen’s situation, I’d be happy to discuss them in more depth on a free consult call.

If being an HSP is so common, why haven’t I heard about it until now?

The term HSP was originally coined by Dr. Elaine Aron, a psychologist, in her 1996 book The Highly Sensitive Person. Prior to Dr. Aron’s research on highly sensitive people, different aspects of the trait were researched under different names, most of which focused on negative aspects of the trait like shyness or social inhibitedness. However, she was the first to distill down and be able to identify a unique trait that unified all the disparate characteristics previously studied, and also included the gifts.

Since then, research on HSPs has drastically increased, showing higher levels of brain activation in tasks involving sensing subtlties, feeling empathy, and many other areas. But it takes a long time for research to reach the mainstream culture, so there are still many misconceptions and myths about highly sensitive people. We are sometimes pejoratively referred to as, “shy”, “weak”, “cry-babies”, “awkward”, or “too sensitive” by people who don’t truly understand what it means to be an HSP.

In some eastern cultures, HSPs are more revered and sought-after by their peers for their empathy, good listening skills and ability to function in community. But in most western cultures, where competition and capitalism are king, the trait of high sensitivity is often undervalued. Western society is slowly coming around to recognizing the value of soft skills like empathy though - skills that come naturally to HSPs.

My mission is to spread awareness about the trait of high sensitivity so that people who are highly sensitive, or people who are a parent/teacher of or partner to a highly sensitive person, truly understand the trait and all of the gifts it can bring when the overwhelming aspects are accounted for and managed.

I’m an extrovert, can i still be an hsp?

Absolutely! In fact, research shows that 30% of all HSPs are extroverts. This may seem confusing because many highly sensitive people tend to be introverted and value their alone time. But being highly sensitive and being extroverted aren’t mutually exclusive.

Extroverted HSPs will often need decompression time after a busy day too or can be overstimulated by social interactions, despite also feeling energized by them. This can seem difficult to manage at first, because you may be drawn to highly stimulating activities or social situations, but then feel somewhat overwhelmed or exhausted by them because of the onslaught of sensory input. This is completely normal for an extroverted HSP and I can teach you how balance the needs of being both extroverted and highly sensitive.

I don’t live in Colorado, can we still work together?

Yes! While I’m licensed to practice psychotherapy only in Colorado, I do work with HSPs (and parents of HSPs) all over the globe in a coaching capacity. There is some overlap between the two, but they are different in some key ways.

Therapy (which I can only provide to people in Colorado) is more appropriate for people struggling with severe anxiety, depression, or trauma. If that is the case, and you live outside of Colorado, then I can help connect you with HSP resources and possibly an HSP-knowledgeable professional in your area for that deeper level of support.

Coaching (which is available world-wide) is appropriate for people who:

Are just discovering the HSP trait and wanting to learn about how it factors into their lives
Are looking for tools to manage the trait of sensitivity so their natural gifts can shine through
Are feeling overwhelmed and need some coaching around how to reduce stress
Are struggling with a particular aspect of being an HSP and it’s getting in the way of their life
Are having difficulty working with their sensitivity at school or work and needing tips for how to make it feel less overwhelming
Are struggling with sensitivity in relationships (either personal or professional) and want to learn how to better navigate these
Are looking to make a change in their life or career to better support their HSP systems but don’t know what steps to take first
Get stuck in patterns of overthinking that lead to thought spirals or difficulty sleeping/relaxing

Want to manage overwhelm so your gifts shine through?

I have worked with many, many highly sensitive adults and teens to help them manage the challenges of sensitivity so that their natural gifts shine through and they can lead happier, more balanced lives. Schedule a free consult call today to see how your life could be different with less overwhelm & more energy for what you love.

Schedule a free consult call

If the support of an understanding community might be helpful…